AN UNSINKABLE SHIP

BY TERRY MANTE

A COUPLE of years ago, a dear friend of mine sent me a text message that “There is only one unsinkable ship; it is friendship.” Even though within the context that the message was drafted and sent to me, it was meant to communicate a specific idea, I have come to appreciate this from a wider perspective. True friendship never sinks irrespective of the intensity of the tide that pushes against it. A great friendship is one that stands the test of time; goes through challenges and emerges firm and progressive. This week, my main task so far as this column is concerned is to express seven ingredients that characterise stable and unsinkable friendships.

1. Acquaintance: Friendships evolve from the foundation of acquaintance. An acquaintance is someone you know at the periphery. The impressions you get from your acquaintances help you to determine whether or not to proceed to establish a more intimate relationship with people.

2. Affirmation: Affirmation is the honest admission of what you recognise in a person. In any real friendship, the parties involved strive to accept people based on who they are. They are comfortable with each other’s strong points and definitely not embarrassed with their shortcomings and weaknesses. There is no insecurity as a result of somebody’s successes or strengths. Affirmation reinforces people’s strengths and inspires continuous progress. Any relationship that expects to sail through the storm without sinking must have a good dose of affirmation; a situation where each other’s strengths and personality are acknowledged.

3. Association: By association, I’m referring to the interactions you have with your friends as well as memories you have of them. Good friends spend quality time together and enjoy each other’s company. They create landmarks that serve as souvenir banks for the relationship.

4. Alliance: A friend is an ally. An ally is someone you cooperate with to achieve an aim. Friends collaborate to elevate each other on life’s ladder. They join forces to pursue ambitious tasks together. This boosts relationships and gives magnitude and direction to the relationship. Strategic alliances strengthen you and enhance your leverage in life.

5. Assistance: Apart from all that we’ve discussed, another key attribute of good relationships is mutual assistance. Whereas alliance is about things you do together, assistance is limited to help that you receive for your personal endeavours. Do your friends support you to achieve your personal tasks? What role do you also play when your friend is pursuing their own goals? Good relationships have mechanisms to help one with their pursuits of life.

6. Allegiance: Loyalty and commitment are essential hallmarks of every enduring relationship. You can’t have a lasting relationship with anyone if there is no assurance of commitment and trust. Each party in any relationship should be trustworthy. There should be an unshakable confidence on the part of your friend that you could be relied upon and vice versa. Where the spirit of allegiance prevails, there is trust and trust is a key sustainability factor in friendships.

7. Affection: Affection is the fondness and tenderness of feeling that you have towards another person or thing. It is that sensation that becomes the breeding ground for love. It is a necessary component of friendship. When allegiance, assistance, alliance, association, affirmation and acquaintance fail, affection is the fuel that will keep the relationship running. The intensity of affection in any relationship determines its elasticity.

When I was younger, I read a piece in a magazine that said that the word ‘friend’ is a contracted form of the words ‘free’ and ‘end.’ What the writer of that article sought to put across was that friendship has a free end. In other words, true friendship has no end. My interpretation then was that true friendship was one that had no end in communication; a relationship that continues for life. This has some validity but growing up, I have come to realise that significant friendship is one that makes a landmark impact on you. The impact of such a relationship lingers and sometimes has ripple effect on several vital aspects of your life. Certain principles and lessons you imbibe from some of your friends might be useful even in their absence. Having a true friend does not necessarily imply that you will have permanent contact but its significance may be eternal.
This week, do a “friends check” and discover who your true friends are.


© February 2009
Terry Mante

How to Develop a Positive Attitude

CHINESE philosopher Confucius profoundly stated that, “To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” Many people want to do things that will impact significantly on the world. Confucius encourages us that such aspirations are not far-fetched but have a point of beginning. It starts with us; setting our hearts right, developing a positive attitude. A positive attitude will put us on the path that leads to the destination we desire. In this series, we shall consider five actions that can be taken to develop a positive attitude towards life. Before we dive into that, let’s form a common perspective on the subject under discussion; Attitude. There are three perspectives that I would like us to contemplate;

· Paradigm: When you pour water into a container, it assumes the shape of that object. Water has no shape of its own without a container. Your mind is the container that receives all your experiences and carves out your life. Your paradigm refers to how your mind has been set to respond to issues and interpret the realities of your life. Situations that confront us in life are neither adverse nor advantageous by themselves but settle in the patterns and systems by which we run our lives.

· Interpretation: When you wear a lens, every object within your scope of view takes on the colour of the lens. When you put on a blue-tinted lens, every object you observe through the lens may appear bluish. The realities of life cannot be changed but you can have your own interpretation. Before you form your conclusion about any issue, just ask yourself, “What is the colour of my lens?”

· Response: You don’t have so much control over what happens to you but you can certainly determine your response to what happens to you. Irrespective of what happens, it is always possible to choose your response. When you fall, you can choose to either remain down or rise up. How you choose your responses determines the impact situations have on you.

Here are five suggestions regarding how you can develop a positive attitude:

1. Fashion your mind for success: Former US President Abraham Lincoln advised a young man who aspired to study law to “always bear in mind that your own ambition to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” If your ambition is positive, it will drive you to a positive destination. You cannot succeed in anything if you don’t make your mind up to succeed.

2. Filter what goes into your heart. The state of your heart is a direct result of the nature of its content. What you feed your life with is very crucial to determining what your attitude is. What books do you read? Which programmes do you listen to on radio? What is your favourite programme on TV? Who preaches to you every Sunday? You can’t have a disposition that is inconsistent with what you’ve been ingesting. You must filter every bit of information that comes to your gate and allow only what is beneficial to you to settle in your heart. By so doing, you progressively create a sense of optimism within you. Your perspective brightens and your general outlook on life will be embodied in a positive frame work.

3. Find great company. Good company enhances great values. The people around you determine the attitudes you nurture. To develop a positive attitude, you must have positive people around you. If you want to maintain sexual purity for instance, your closest friends should be people who esteem premarital abstinence, faithfulness to one’s spouse and sexual discipline. If there is such company around you, it offers the platform to share challenges, discuss practical initiatives and encourage each other.

Having people who believe in your potential also help you to have a positive mindset. If your best friends are those who do not believe in your future and have a low estimation of your capabilities, then you would do yourself a lot of good by replacing them. You have to hang around those who help you realise the possibilities of your life and inspire you with hope and confidence.

4. Focus on the good in any situation. Just as every coin has two sides, so does every situation have two faces. I learnt from Robert Schuller’s Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do that success is failure turned inside out. Sometimes, people lose out of lifetime opportunities because they do superficial assessment of situations. Thomas Alva Edison categorically pointed out that, “Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Just because something does not look good does not make it absolutely awful. You must look for a little good and give it your maximum attention.

5. Foster a daily attitude of positiveness: Developing a positive attitude is not an event but a process. It cannot be done in a day but must be done daily. To consolidate a new attitude, one positive action at a time, an encouraging book, a new friend...at one time or another would culminate in the kind of person you want to be; little by little, here a little, there a little. Start small and you’ll end big!

“You cannot be healthy; you cannot be happy; you cannot be prosperous; if you have a bad disposition,” remarks, Emmet Fox. I trust that you will keep navigating the path of positivity.


© February 2009 Terry Mante
http://terrymante.blogspot.com

YES, YOU CAN WALK ON WATER

HAVE you ever seen anybody defy the law of floatation to walk on the surface of water? In recent history I haven’t seen or heard anybody do that but from the Bible, I’ve read a scenario where Jesus walked on water to join His disciples on a watercraft in the middle of a lake. This happened at a time when the winds were blowing contrary to the direction of the sail. When the disciples saw Jesus initially, they were terrified. Jesus assuaged their fears and assured them that there was nothing to worry about. He then invited Peter, one of His disciples to approach Him by walking on the water. So long as Peter focused on Jesus, He stayed afloat. The moment he turned to look at the contrary winds, Peter began to sink. Considering that we are still in the morning of the new year I will like to bring to light some lessons inherent in this scenario and link them to our journey throughout the year.

1. Uncertainty is part of life’s routine. Stepping into a new year is like attempting to walk on water. You cannot precisely predict everything that will happen in the year. Some people are very upbeat while others are pessimistic. I’m sure there are others who do not know what to expect. Whatever it is, any prediction we have is mere expectation. Since we do not have sovereign control over all occurrences of life, we cannot be cocksure that our expectations will spring forth into manifestation. If you are anxious about how the year is going to be for you, it’s normal. My only advice is that, don’t be ruled by your anxiety.

2. You can do extraordinary things. There is no extraordinary person on the face of the earth but ordinary people do extraordinary things. Success is no respecter of persons. If Jesus walked on water, we may want to attribute that to His divine personality. How then do we explain Peter’s toddle on the water? He was an ordinary fisherman who decided to take a bold step toward his dream – his dream was to get to Jesus. He stepped onto the water not knowing what to expect. Nevertheless, he made it. Between where you stand and your dream is an uncertain path. What you need to do is to tread that path. It’s a path that you can travel on. No matter how unstable, uncertain or risky it may seem, you need to get going.

3. The storms will come. When Barack Obama publicly announced his intention to go at the presidency, political pundits wrote him off. However, he braved the odds and eventually blazed the trail to become America’s first African-American president. It was a fierce battle with then Senator Hillary Clinton. On the campaign trail, he captivated the world with his oratory, camaraderie, confidence and insight. All that display was in spite of smear campaign hurled at him by his opponents and irresponsible statements made by key members of his campaign team. Those were President Obama’s storms. You will face yours too but...

4. Keep your eyes on your goals. So long as Peter kept his eyes on his goal, he stayed afloat the water. The moment he looked at the storm, he began to sink. My friend, it’s important that you keep your eyes on your goals. While driving, if a driver turns away to stare at an accident scenario on the side of the road, you can almost predict what is likely to happen. The vehicle might run into another vehicle in front or a pedestrian who happens to be passing by. So long as the driver keeps his eyes on the windscreen he’ll be fine on the road. Don’t allow your challenges to distract you. You must determine that no matter what happens, you will not throw your dreams away. No matter how enormous your obstacles are, you’ll preserve your dreams.

This year, I want you to believe in yourself. Believe that you’ve got what it takes to make your dreams a reality. You have time, talent, opportunity and the grace of God. The power to succeed resides in you. Like Peter, step out with confidence!




© March 2009 Terry Mante
http://terrymante.blogspot.com